Sunday, January 13, 2019

Nashville Crazy is a .99 Featured Deal on Bookbub today!

I have to say, this is probably my favorite Nashville book of the series. I was able to inject more humor into the story and I love, love, love it when my characters get a second chance at love. Here's the link and here's an excerpt:



Prologue
“Do not turn on the TV.”
Harper Perry pressed her cell phone to her ear but didn’t open her eyes. Her eyeballs felt gritty, like someone had rolled them around in sand. She pulled the duvet over her head to block out any potential light. The voice on the other end of the phone was already giving her a killer headache.
“Do you hear me, Harper? Wake up.”
“I hear you,” she managed. Her voice was hoarse and her mouth tasted like she’d mopped the floor of the Jack Daniels distillery with her tongue. And what was that smell? Someone barbecuing? “I’m up.”
“Do not turn on the TV. Or go online. And don’t leave the room until I come for you. If TMZ tries to contact you…well you’d better not answer the phone, either, unless it’s me or Robert.”
Harper’s eyes flew open. Her $750 an hour attorney was only called in when the serious shit hit the fan. Not the minor stuff like getting her out of public intoxication charges or suing the tabloids who had published a panty-free, up-the-skirt shot taken when she was getting out of a limo. No, Robert only got involved when it was the potentially career-ending/lawsuit/jail time kind of shit.
Harper shoved the covers off, letting the bright noonish sunlight into her cocoon and immediately wished she hadn’t. She tried to push past the pain of a thousand daggers digging into her eyeballs and struggled to remember what had happened last night. She’d been at the club and then…
 “Oh, shit.”
“Ah, she remembers now.”
“Kind of.” Something about catching Chad in the club with that bimbo from the reality show and then following him back to his house to tell him what he could do with his ring and...what had happened next? “How bad is it, Mel?”
“Well…you burned down his house.”
Her hair hung in reddish brown clumps around her face and when she breathed in deeply, the old smoke trapped in the strands filled her nostrils. It wasn’t the scent of steaks on the grill she’d smelled—it was the odor of what was left of her career going up in smoke.
“The record label is not happy. And neither is Diva Cosmetics. They’re threatening to pull sponsorship for your tour.” Mel didn’t have to mention that the tour had been on shaky ground anyway. They’d already had to cancel shows due to poor ticket sales. Harper had already been one scandal away from playing Branson in the off season…and she may have just bought her ticket to Missouri with this latest debacle.
Oh, God. What had she done last night? She remembered telling Chad what a jerk he was. And there had been candles burning...the rat bastard had taken the reality slut back to his house, where he’d had a romantic scene all laid out. The same scene he’d used the first time he’d invited Harper back to his pad, come to think of it.
Harper’s fuzzy memory of the night suddenly sharpened into crystal clear focus. Fire trucks. Lights flashing. Flames shooting out of the roof.
“Shit.” Fear rolled through her. Some judges liked to throw the book at celebrities, just to make an example of them. “Was anyone hurt?”
“Chad’s got a few bumps and bruises he claims are from your fight. Chad’s attorney has already filed for a restraining order.”
Harper’s head began to pound. “It was an accident.”
Harper remembered throwing a vase of roses—part of the seduction set-up—at Chad’s head, missing, and knocking over some of the candles, which had ignited the papier-mâché sculpture of two rabbits copulating Chad tried to pass off as “art”. And then the curtains had caught fire before any of them could react, because apparently the glue the idiot used was highly flammable. The little reality bimbo had run outside screaming, wearing nothing but her bra and panties, and Harper and Chad had screamed at each other until they’d realized that the small fire had quickly become a big fire. By the time the fire department had arrived, Chad had been telling everybody that Harper was a crazy bitch and an arsonist.
“What do I do?” Mel had been with her since she’d moved to LA, watching out for her, smoothing her way, cleaning up the destruction she’d left behind. The past couple years had been one long party and to be honest, Harper didn’t remember most of it. Chad had just been the latest in a long line of very bad decisions. She’d been on top of the world and had everything she’d ever wanted. How had it come crashing down so quickly? Somewhere in the rush of parties and big checks and adoring fans, lonely nights in hotels and always wondering what someone wanted from her, she’d lost track of who she was and what she wanted. Some days she just wanted to curl up in the corner and pretend she was still the wanna-be with the guitar just playing the local honkytonks and hoping someone would like what they heard. But you can’t go back. You can never go back.
“I think you need to lay low, Harper. Get out of town for a while until Robert and I can clear this up.” He paused and Harper knew she wasn’t going to like what came out of his mouth next. “I think it’s time you went home.”
Cold lead settled in the pit of her stomach. “No. No, way.”
She’d burned so many bridges between Tennessee and California she wasn’t sure there was a way back.
Harper grabbed for the remote and switched on the entertainment channel. Mel kept chattering in her ear but she was no longer paying attention. She had a screen crawl. That was bad. And then Chad came on the screen telling TMZ’s crew what a crazy bitch she was and how he'd be talking to his attorney about pressing criminal charges as soon as possible.
“You turned on the TV, didn’t you? Damn it, Harper!”
Oh goody, someone got some smartphone footage of Harper stumbling out of the smoky house. Her makeup was smeared, her hair was a mess and her clothes were ripped and dirty. How many pounds of crazy did the camera add, anyway? And there was the bimbo streaking around the yard like her skinny ass was on fire, showing off in her underwear for the cameras.
OK, Tennessee didn’t sound so bad compared to an orange jumpsuit.
Harper swallowed down her fear. “Is the farmhouse livable?”
“I don’t know what kind of condition it’s in. Harper. It’s been what—five years at least?”
“Six.” Plus three months and…eight days.
“And the roof was bad, then.”
“Yeah.” She hadn’t cared when Mel had told her the place needed work since she never intended to set foot in it again. She’d had all the old memories cleared out and hadn’t planned to return. She couldn’t bring herself to sell it, though. Never in a million years had she imagined the place would become a refuge.
“I’ll hire someone to do repairs but with all the stuff going on, we’ll have to be careful. He’ll sell you out in a heartbeat and all the tabloids will be on your doorstep. Too much bad press and you can forget the tour. No sponsor will touch it.”
Harper closed her eyes. The pain in her gut moved to her heart. “I know someone.”
“A handyman? In Nashville?”
“Yeah.” God. She didn’t want to do this. But she really had no choice. No matter what had happened between them, she knew he was the one guy who wouldn’t sell her out. If he’d wanted to do that, he would have years ago. She needed to get out of town and lie low where the paparazzi wouldn’t find her. The house was in her name, but it would still take time for them to track her down. And by the time they did, maybe this whole mess would be in the past.
If the house had gotten as bad as Mel had said, she needed someone she could trust to do the work for her, since swinging a hammer wasn’t exactly her forte. Swinging a vase of roses, on the other hand…
Harper took a deep breath. “His name is Dan Bryan. I'll text you the number.”

Friday, January 11, 2019

Circle of Life, Yo



Yesterday I told you I’d done something drastic to motivate myself into losing weight and living the active lifestyle I want to have. Motivating yourself through little prizes is classic advice—lose 10 lbs, you tell yourself, and you get to splurge on that cute pair of shoes your frugal side says is too expensive. It might work for some, but I just end up failing, feeling bad about myself, then buying the shoes anyway to make myself feel better. Then I’m still fat, in more credit card debt, and stuck with a pair of shoes that didn’t come in wide sizes, making my chubby feet feel like they’ve been locked in an iron maiden after 10 minutes of wearing them.

That sucks.

This time, though, I think I’ve found something that might work for me.

One of my twins went to Costa Rica with a school group last summer and loved it. He told me, that as a nature-lover, I HAD to go. His favorite part was seeing real sloths hanging in branches over his head. He didn’t touch them, though, saying they had lice, and they bite and scratch. 

Good call.  

He was also a fan of the monkeys that would break into your hotel room if you didn’t lock the doors. He would wake up in the morning to the sight of a gaggle of shady monkeys peering at him from a tree right outside his window, just waiting for him to mess up and forget to flip the lock so they could grab his iPhone and Pop Tarts. The worst part, he says, were the “weird loud birds” that would wake him up in the morning and taunt him as he hiked through the rainforest.

I don’t know what those birds were. Maybe they were some weird species of South American  buzzards that pluck out your eyeballs and eat them for breakfast while you’re distracted by the sloths…thus allowing the monkeys to pick-pocket your corpse for Tic-Tacs and spare change.

Circle of life, yo.  

So in August, my other son came home from school saying there was another group going in 2020 for an “active” version of the trip. He wanted to go and said he wouldn’t mind if I tagged along, too. There will be hiking, zip-lining, white-water rafting, snorkeling, swimming and general walking around looking at stuff. I want to do ALL of that. I want to hear the weird noisy birds and see the lice-ridden sloths and tangle with the felonious monkeys. ALL of it.

I decided, though, that if I was going to go, I didn’t want to be somebody’s chubby, out of shape mom waiting at the bottom of the mountain, holding everybody’s phone while they zip through the forest treetop suspended by a piece of dental floss. No, I want to be the one vomiting my way through the canopy. I don’t want to sit on the beach in a big hat and tent-sized cover-up doling out sunscreen and posting proof-of-life photos to Facebook for the parents who are at home chilling in the AC. I want to feel comfortable, even in the presence of a bunch of firm, fit, stretch-mark free 16-19 year old bodies, while wearing a swimsuit and wading into the ocean to confront another fear  of mine—sea life. 

I know that’s weird. Spiders, bats, bugs, snakes…no problem. But a fish? OMG. They freak me out. FREAK. ME. OUT. The thought of purposely going into the water, where these demons live, on purpose, makes my blood pressure spike. Just the picture on this post makes me shudder. (The name of this phobia is ichthyophobia, if you were wondering.)



But I'm not going to worry about that now. I'll worry about that as I'm putting on my flippers and mask in about 18 months, trying not to hyper-ventilate and making myself confront my fear 1) because I hate being afraid of things and 2) I don't want to look like a wimp in front of my son.

Anecdotally, the last time I did something to avoid looking like a wimp in front of one of my kids, I plunged down one of those stupid tall high-speed water slides...I'm not certain even now, years later, that I've extracted all the bits of swimwear from my crevices. Let's hope that doesn't happen while snorkeling.
 
So, I’m going to Costa Rica. I'm doing all the stuff on the trip itinerary, even the stuff that scares me. And that requires me to quit screwing around and get serious about getting fit. I have 18 months to lose 100 lbs or so, get fit enough to hike up a mountain in crazy humidity without dying, gain enough confidence to wear a swimsuit, in front of a bunch of strangers IN PUBLIC and overcome a life-long phobia of fish.

Yeah, I can do that.